What does Islam say about parents, relatives, and kinship ties? What is the position of parents and relatives in one’s life according to Islam? Read this article till the end to learn more.
Islam mandates absolute kindness in dealing with one’s parents, relatives, and elders.
According to a hadith from Sahih al-Bukhari, to be good and dutiful to one’s parents is the second dearest thing to Allah after his worship.
Similarly, many prophetic narrations and hadiths refer to parents as the door to heaven and as a key to seeking Allah’s pleasure.
To be disrespectful to one’s parents is one of the greatest sins in Islam. Clearly, if one is disrespectful to his parents, then he is disrespectful to the Almighty.
Given below are some beautiful Islamic quotes encouraging us to respect our parents and honor our kinship ties.
Respect Your Parents
For your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him. And honour your parents. If one or both of them reach old age in your care, never say to them ˹even˺ ‘ugh,’ nor yell at them. Rather, address them respectfully. And be humble with them out of mercy, and pray, “My Lord! Be merciful to them as they raised me when I was young.” 17:23-24
We have enjoined on man kindness to his parents: In pain did his mother bear him, and in pain did she give him birth. The carrying of the (child) to his weaning is (a period of) thirty months. At length, when he reaches the age of full strength and attains forty years, he says, “O my Lord! Grant me that I may be grateful for Thy favor which Thou has bestowed upon me, and upon both my parents and that I may work righteousness such as Thou mayest approve; and be gracious to me in my issue. Truly have I turned to Thee and truly do I bow (to Thee) in Islam. Al-Quran 46:15
Say: “Come, I will rehearse what Allah hath (really) prohibited you from”: Join not anything as equal with Him; be good to your parents; kill not your children on a plea of want;- We provide sustenance for you and for them;- come not nigh to shameful deeds. Whether open or secret; take not life, which Allah hath made sacred, except by way of justice and law: thus doth He commands you, that ye may learn wisdom. Al-Quran 6:151
Allah’s Pleasure is in Parents’ Pleasure
Abdullah bin Amr narrated that: the Prophet said: “The Lord’s pleasure is in the parent’s pleasure, and the Lord’s anger is in the parent’s anger.”(Hasan). Jami`at-Tirmidhi 1899
It was narrated by Abdullah (r)- I asked the Prophet “Which deed is the dearest to Allah?” He replied, “To offer the prayers at their early stated fixed times.” I asked, “What is the next (in goodness)?” He replied, “To be good and dutiful to your parents” I again asked, “What is the next (in goodness)?” He replied, ‘To fight in Allah’s cause.” ‘Abdullah added, “I asked only that much and if I had asked more, the Prophet would have told me more.” Sahih Bukhari Volume 1, Book 10, Number 505
Disobeying Parents is a Great Sin
It was narrated by Anas (s)- The Prophet was asked about the great sins and he said, “They are:-To join others in worship with Allah, To be undutiful to one’s parents. To kill a person And to give a false witness.” Sahih Bukhari Volume 3, Book 48, Number 821
Mughira b. Shu’ba reported Allah’s Messenger (ﷺ) as saying: Verily Allah, the Glorious and Majestic, has forbidden for you: disobedience to mothers, and burying alive daughters; withholding the rights of others in spite of having the power to return that to them and demanding that (which is not one’s legitimate right). And he disapproved of three things for you: irrelevant talk, persistent questioning, and wasting of wealth. Sahih Muslim 593f
Warrad reported that al-Mughira wrote to Mu’awiya: Peace be upon you and then coming to the point (I should say) that I heard Allah’s Messenger (ﷺ) as saying: Verily Allah has Prohibited three things and has forbidden three things. He has declared absolutely haram the disobedience of father, burying of daughters alive, and withholding that which you have the power to return, and has forbidden three things: irrelevant talk, persistent questioning, and wasting of wealth. Sahih Muslim 593i
However, this obedience to one’s parents is conditional on obedience to Allah. In other words, if parents command to do something that is against the commandments of Allah or Tauheed, then in such cases one is not obliged obey their parents. Yet, one must be courteous to them in all circumstances.
We have commanded people to honour their parents. But if they urge you to associate with Me what you have no knowledge of, then do not obey them. To Me you will ˹all˺ return, and then I will inform you of what you used to do. (Holy Quran 29:8)
And We have commanded people to ˹honour˺ their parents. Their mothers bore them through hardship upon hardship, and their weaning takes two years. So be grateful to Me and your parents. To Me is the final return. But if they pressure you to associate with Me what you have no knowledge of, do not obey them. Still keep their company in this world courteously, and follow the way of those who turn to Me ˹in devotion˺. Then to Me you will ˹all˺ return, and then I will inform you of what you used to do.. Holy Quran 31:14-15
Status of Mother above Father
Narrated Abu Huraira- A man came to Allah’s Apostle and said, “O Allah’s Apostle! Who is more entitled to be treated with the best companionship by me?” The Prophet said, “Your mother.” The man said. “Who is next?” The Prophet said, “Your mother.” The man further said, “Who is next?” The Prophet said, “Your mother.” The man asked for the fourth time, “Who is next?” The Prophet said, “Your father.” Sahih Bukhari Volume 8, Book 73, Number 2
Don’t curse other’s Parents
Narrated by Abdullah bin ‘Amr: Allah’s Apostle said. “It is one of the greatest sins that a man should curse his parents.” It was asked (by the people), “O Allah’s Apostle! How does a man curse his parents?” The Prophet said, “The man abuses the father of another man, and the latter abuses the father of the former and abuses his mother.” Sahih Bukhari, Volume 8, Book 73, Number 4
Honour Your Kinship Ties
Give to close relatives their due, as well as the poor and ˹needy˺ travellers. And do not spend wastefully. Surely the wasteful are ˹like˺ brothers to the devils. And the Devil is ever ungrateful to his Lord. But if you must turn them down ˹because you lack the means to give˺—while hoping to receive your Lord’s bounty—then ˹at least˺ give them a kind word. Do not be so tight-fisted, for you will be blameworthy; nor so open-handed, for you will end up in poverty. Surely your Lord gives abundant or limited provisions to whoever He wills. He is certainly All-Aware, All-Seeing of His servants. 17-26-29
It is that of which Allah gives good tidings to His servants who believe and do righteous deeds. Say, [O Muhammad], “I do not ask you for this message any payment [but] only goodwill through kinship.” And whoever commits a good deed – We will increase for him good therein. Indeed, Allah is Forgiving and Appreciative. Al-Quran 42:23
Narrated ‘Aisha (r): The Prophet said, “The word ‘Ar-Rahm’ (womb) derives its name from ‘Ar-Rahman’ (i.e. Allah). So whosoever keeps good relations with it (womb i.e. Kith and kin), Allah will keep good relations with him, and whosoever will sever it (i.e. severs his bonds of Kith and kin) Allah too will sever His relations with him. Sahih Bukhari Volume 8, Book 73, Number 18
Narrated Jubair bin Mutim: That he heard the Prophet (ﷺ) saying, “The person who severs the bond of kinship will not enter Paradise.“ Sahih al-Bukhari 5984
This hadith has been narrated through another chain of transmitters and the hadith was transmitted on the authority of Abd al-Razziq (the words are): “Neither nurse grudge nor sever (the ties of kinship), nor nurse enmity.” Sahih Muslim 2559c
Kinship Increases Age and Wealth
Narrated Abu Huraira: I heard Allah’s Apostle saying, “Whoever is pleased that he be granted more wealth and that his lease of life is prolonged, then he should keep good relations with his Kith and kin.“ Sahih al-Bukhari Volume 8, Book 73, Number 14
Abu Hurairah narrated that the Messenger of Allah said: “Learn enough about your lineage to facilitate keeping your ties of kinship. For indeed keeping the ties of kinship encourages affection among the relatives, increases the wealth, and increases the lifespan.” Jami at-Tirmidhi 1979
Abu Hurayra heard that the Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, say, “Anyone who wants to have his provision expanded and his term of life lengthened should maintain ties of kinship.” Al-Adab Al-Mufrad 57
Anas ibn Malik reported that the Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, “Anyone who wants to have his provision expanded and his term of life prolonged should maintain ties of kinship.” Al-Adab Al-Mufrad 56
Ibn ‘Umar said, “Whoever has taqwa of his Lord and maintains ties of kinship, his term of life will be prolonged, his wealth will be abundant, and his family will love him.” Al-Adab Al-Mufrad 59
Ibn ‘Umar said, “If someone fears his Lord and maintains ties of kinship, his term of life will be prolonged, he will have abundant wealth and his people will love him.” Al-Adab Al-Mufrad 58
Maintain Kinship even if Your Kins Do Not Reciprocate
Abul Ahwas ‘Auf b. Malik quoted his father as saying: I said, “Messenger of God, tell me what I should do about a cousin of mine to whom I go and ask for something, but who neither gives me anything nor regards my kinship, then when he needs my help, he comes to me and asks for something, and I have sworn that I would not give him anything or regard his kinship.” He commanded me to do that which is better and make atonement for my oath. In Ibn Majah’s version, he told that he said, “Messenger of God, my cousin comes to me and I swear that I will not give him anything or regard his kinship,” and that he replied, “Make atonement for your oath.” It was transmitted by Nasa’i and Ibn Majah. Mishkat al-Masabih 3425
Abdullah ibn ‘Amr reported that the Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, “The one who maintains ties of kinship is not the one who reciprocates. The one who maintains ties of kinship is the one who, when his relatives cut him off, maintains ties of kinship.” Al-Adab Al-Mufrad 68
Narrated Abdullah bin Amr: The Prophet (ﷺ) said, “Al-Wasil is not the one who recompenses the good done to him by his relatives, but Al-Wasil is the one who keeps good relations with those relatives who had severed the bond of kinship with him.” Sahih al-Bukhari 5991
Abu Abdullah ‘Amr bin Al-‘as (May Allah be pleased with them) said: I heard Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) saying openly not secretly, “The family of so-and-so (i.e., Abu Talib) are not my supporters. My supporter is Allah and the righteous believing people. But they (that family) have kinship (Rahm) with whom I will maintain well the ties of kinship”. Riyad as-Salihin 330
Abdullah bin ‘Amr Al-‘as (May Allah be pleased with them) reported: The Prophet (ﷺ) said, “The person who perfectly maintains the ties of kinship is not the one who does it because he gets recompensed by his relatives (for being kind and good to them), but the one who truly maintains the bonds of kinship is the one who persists in doing so even though the latter has severed the ties of kinship with him”. Riyad as-Salihin 322
Learn your lineages to Maintain Kinship
Jubayr ibn Mut’im said that he heard ‘Umar ibn al-Khattab say on the minbar, “Learn your lineages so that you can maintain ties of kinship. By Allah, if there are some bad feelings between a man and his brother and he knows that there is a kinship between him and that man, that will prevent him from breaking with him.” Al-Adab Al-Mufrad 72
Treat your Guests Generously
Narrated Abu Hurairah: The Prophet (ﷺ) said, “Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day, should serve his guest generously; and whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day, should unite the bond of kinship (i.e. keep good relation with his kith and kin); and whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day, should talk what is good or keep quiet.” Sahih al-Bukhari 6138
Cutting off Kinship ties Hastens Punishment in this World
Abu Bakra reported that the Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, “There is no wrong action which Allah is swifter to punish in this world – in addition to the punishment which He has stored up for the wrongdoer in the Next World – than cutting off ties of kinship and injustice.” Al-Adab Al-Mufrad 67
Abu Bakrah narrated that the Messenger of Allah (s.a.w) said: “There is no sin more worthy of Allah hastening the punishment upon its practitioner in the world – along with what is in store for him in the Hereafter – than tyranny and severing the ties of kinship.” (Sahih) Jami` at-Tirmidhi Vol. 4, Book 11, Hadith 2511
It was narrated from Abu Bakrah that the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) said: “There is no sin more deserving that Allah hastens the punishment in this world, in addition to what is stored up for him in the Hereafter – than injustice and severing the ties of kinship.” Sunan Ibn Majah 4211
However, all that being said, readers should be careful that Islam mandates no obedience to any human being if it involves disobedience to Allah as can be observed from the Hadith below.
Holy Quran 9:23 O believers! Do not take your parents and siblings as trusted allies if they choose disbelief over belief. And whoever of you does so, they are the ˹true˺ wrongdoers.
It was narrated from ‘Ali (RA) that the Prophet (ﷺ) said: There is no obedience to any human being if it involves disobedience to Allah. Musnad Ahmad 1065 [Grade: Sahih (Darussalam), al-Bukhari (4340) and Muslim (1840)] (Darussalam)]
We have commanded people to honour their parents. But if they urge you to associate with Me what you have no knowledge of, then do not obey them. To Me you will ˹all˺ return, and then I will inform you of what you used to do. (Holy Quran 29:8)
Expressing love for your Kins and Brothers
Al-Miqdam ibn Ma’dikarib reported that the Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, “When one of you has love for his brother, he should inform him that he loves him.” Al-Adab Al-Mufrad 542
Mujahid said, “One of the Companions of the Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, met me and took hold of my shoulder from behind. He said, ‘I love you,’ and he went on to say, ‘The One for whose sake I love you loves you.’ He continued, ‘If it had not been that the Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, “When a man has love for another man, he should tell him that he loves him,” I would not have told you.'” Al-Adab Al-Mufrad 543
Anas reported that the Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, “When two men have love for one another, the better of them is the one who has the strongest love for his companion.” Al-Adab Al-Mufrad 544
Mu’adh ibn Jabal said, “When you have love for your brother, do not quarrel with him or treat him badly nor ask questions about him, It may be that an enemy of his will appear and say something about him which is not true and will thereby cause a split between you.” Al-Adab Al-Mufrad 545
‘Abdullah ibn ‘Amr reported that the Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, “Anyone who has love for his brother in Allah and for Allah should say, ‘I love you for Allah,’ and they will both enter the Garden. The one who has love for someone in Allah has a degree over the one he loves because of his love.” Al-Adab Al-Mufrad 546 Grade: Da’if (Al-Albani)
Modesty is Part of Faith
Abu Mas’ud ‘Uqba reported that the Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, “Part of what people have learned from the words of prophethood is the statement: ‘If you do not feel ashamed, do whatever you like.” Al-Adab Al-Mufrad 597
Salim reported from his father that the Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, passed by a man who berating his brother about his modesty. He told him, “Let him be. Modesty is part of faith.” Al-Adab Al-Mufrad 602
Exchange Gifts to increase Love
Abu Hurayra reported that the Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, “Give gifts and you will love one another.” Al-Adab Al-Mufrad 594
Anas said to his son, Thabit, “My son, exchange gifts, it will bring about love between you.” Al-Adab Al-Mufrad 595
